so where does this find you on this downright balmy wednesday morning …at the kitchen table with a cuppa joe, laying down with the laptop propped on your stomach (my favorite pose) or can’t sleep at night and nothing is on tv? i hope it finds you well. let’s get on with the story at hand, shall we?
we left off with a pretty dramatic flourish. a crescendo if you will. and those that know me know that is so unlike me – to be dramatic.
i remember the day vividly. like it was yesterday. have you ever had one of those times in your life where everything bad converged at once? like one thing wasn’t bad enough, God goes ahead and just piles it on. this was that year for me.
i was working at jtc advertising in chicago and we were a mid-size agency that handled the majority of buick dealer marketing groups (dmg). i interned there for two semesters and then was hired on. was an intern then worked all the way up to account supervisor. it was located in old town on wells street in chicago. it was my first job out of college and i worked there until i was 29 years old. they lost the buick business in a video newsletter they received and i was left after about 20 people were let go. it was a real sad time. corporations make these big decisions and real people are affected. that was a life lesson learned early.
i was moving apartments when I was living at astor tower and for some reason i decided to move a glass table early in the morning i lost my balance and fell from standing on my bed on to the glass table. had my friend dana go with me to the emergency room and had stitches for the first time. but of course, i thought i was dying and had broken ‘the big artery’ and there was drama.
tucker, my most loved pet – a golden retriever – had to be put down because of cancer. this slayed me. tucker was my baby. he slept in bed with me the entire 2 weeks i had mono. he used to get in mom’s laundry and fit 5 pairs of rolled up socks in his mouth at once. then bark.
it was a friday night. i just had 2 beers at a happy hour and got home around 8ish. my phone rang and it was my sister. she said this:
“dad left mom, please come down here”
really? what in the world did this mean? katie went on to tell me that dad had left and moved out on mom after 34 years of a happy marriage and found another woman. mom was a mess – everyone was a mess. i didn’t know what to do except start drinking vodka and chain smoke (like there were other options…) this is what I did:
booked a flight the next morning at 6am to dallas, chain smoked camel lights, drank lemonade and vodka out of the pitcher i made them in, talked to my mom and told her everything was going to be ok, talked to my brother and my sister, ignored the call waiting that kept buzzing in
there are so many divorce stories and one of the saddest parts of divorce (in the top 10) is that it’s so common that people just nod their head and give you a side smile and really have no clue as to the daggers pulsing in your heart. that’s ok. i equate it with death. no one should ever comment on the recovery process for getting over a death unless someone REALLY CLOSE TO YOU has died. someone you loved with all your heart. if you have not been through that, as an adult, then don’t comment on the recovery process. wow…can you say ‘getting off-track’ As ROF says, everyone hurts.
i was pushing 30, single, and the father i had put on a pedestal my whole life – someone i had modeled my career after, loved the way he loved my mom and thought was so different than all those typical men. i’m going to admit it, i was affected. what was my life? my job was changing, my family was changing – almost everything i knew was disheveled. i was hit with a left hook and knocked way off center.
i’m not going to sugar coat things for you.
the next morning i woke up at 4:30am to get in a cab at 4:45 to get to midway airport by 5:30. i was not feeling so good. prolly wasn’t looking so good either. you know when you wake up happy, then remember something bad has happened and then you just proceed to get really sad. i cried from the minute i woke up in chicago until i wrapped my arms around my mom in dallas. oh yeah, i puked in the cab to the airport no less than 3 times. heaving…crying…ugly puke. in fact, for the first (and only – ha!) time i really didn’t give a hoot what anyone thought of me. i remember that cab driver being so very kind. handing me a paper bag, saying nice things like ‘it’s ok” “everything is going to be ok”. i bawled through security, in the bathroom and then a full on quiet wail at the gate. i even had a couple strangers put their hand on my shoulder as if to say “it’s ok”. i think they were angels. no, i know they were angels and God was letting me know He was there with me. my core was shattered.
i promise it gets better next wednesday…